Value

Let's talk about value and how it relates to choosing a potential suitor. Value is subjective and is based on individual preferences, standards, beliefs, and objectives. No one has the power or authority to validate or diminish another person's perception of value.

Value should be the primary factor when it comes to decision-making in a relationship or a courtship. The value that you place on someone should also be consistent with the value that person is illustrating he or she places on you. Your effort should not vastly exceed someone else's.

Value is NOT absolute; it is extremely fluid based on your preferences and standards. What was once valuable can easily be worthless years, months, days, or even minutes later. Imagine seeing someone you find attractive from across the room. Immediately, visual appeal provides value for that person in your eyes. Now imagine that the person says or does something that you find undesirable. The value you had placed on the individual has now decreased. Conversely, you may discover something about the person that is so desirable, you are able to look past preferences that were traditionally deal breakers. The value you didn't see before has significantly increased.

And that is perfectly okay.

He lied? Decrease his value. But he's apologetic - increase his value.

She has poor hygiene? Decrease her value. But she's attentive - increase her value.

He doesn't have a job? Decrease his value. But he's great with kids - increase his value

She's overweight? Decrease her value. But she's so much fun - increase her value.

He's too short? Decrease his value. But he treats me with respect - increase his value.

Your faith has NOTHING to do with your evaluation of value! Being a Christian or Buddhist or Atheist does NOT mean you are required to see value in a person for the purposes of dating. You are not bound by any rule or law that says you must abandon your preferences because of your beliefs. If you do, then you are only guaranteeing that you will be unhappy and dissatisfied in a relationship. Please stop allowing people to guilt you into believing that you MUST give someone a chance because of your faith. It is a ridiculous notion that my belief in God requires me to open my heart or give my time to someone that I see no value in.

Every dating question can be answered by first evaluating value.

Q: "I've called her three times and she hasn't called back; should I call her again?"

A: What is her current value to you compared to your desire to be ignored?


Q: "I like him but he has kids and I don't want kids; should I give him a chance?"

A: What is his current value to you compared to your desire to not have kids?

Q: "He immediately brought up sex the first time we started communicating; should I continue to talk to him?"

A: What is his current value to you compared to your desire to avoid sexual conversations right away?

Q: "She wants me to take her to an expensive restaurant and I can't afford it or don't want to spend that kind of money on a meal; should I take her out?"

A: What is her current value to you compared to your desire to save money or limit your spending on food?

See the answer is based on your perception of the person's current value. If it exceeds whatever preference or rule you've created, then go for it! If it doesn't, then "to thine own self be true." Once you change your preferences or standards for someone who has little to no value, you are not being hurt by someone - you are hurting yourself. You are voluntarily becoming a target for someone who is not worth the pain.

Just my 2 Unsolicited Lincolns.